intimacy

It's not you.

One day I'll laugh at the notion that I thought it could be.

At least that's what I'll keep telling myself for now to get through each day.

I'll keep telling myself until its true.

all aboard

Is it possible to be too independent? Is our desire to be needed so intense that we are so quick discard someone that does not show a desperate need for us in their life? Is it time to play the damsel in distress? Nah.

1:23

Sometimes you don't need to understand everything. Sometimes the why doesn't matter. Many times we dwell too much on what we could have done differently. Many times we keep replaying every moment, analyzing every word, trying to discover something deeper, something we hadn't realized the first time around. But once you take a deep breath and two steps back, you realize it doesn't fucking matter. What happened happened. Often times, its best to just look forward and move on. We can't change the past, we can't take back words, we can't take back the hurt we caused others or the hurt they caused us. We can spend hours, days, weeks, months trying to figure out what went wrong, but that would just mean replaying the pain, the feelings of inadequacy that no matter how hard you try to brush off continue to seep through the cracks of your brain. What good can come of that?

Too mature?

sentimental heart

Our lives are ultimately a series of choices that are up to us. I wonder what compels us to choose the way we do. Professors always talk down on the psychodynamic model, yet how can we deny the notion that our past experiences form who we are today? I believe that every instance in one's life leads them to choose a certain path.

Something I have recently come to learn about myself is my fear of regret. I never knew that this fear would drive so many of the decisions I make. I used to think my pride called all the shots, but we have a new winner.

edit//

I was wrong, pride won this round. Or maybe that's giving myself too much credit.