russian roulette

To love at all is to vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.

first comes love

Is there such a thing as love at first sight? In order to answer this, one has to define love. Most people think of love as an exhilarating emotion. In that case, lots of people experience "love" at first sight. But if love is a decision to do what is best for the other, then most people don't even think of it when they first meet a person.

Usually, love at first sight occurs when two people are immediately infatuated, and the relationship ends up working out. But the reason it lasts is not because of the mysterious feeling they had when they first laid eyes upon each other. It works out because they choose to love each other through acts of kindness and sacrifice, long after the infatuation fades.

The feelings of "being in love" are exciting, but they should not be confused with love itself. A person can make a promise to love, but no one can make a promise to feel. Emotions come and go. If we equate emotions with love, we'll conclude that when the feelings fade that love has gone away. When this happens, you hear people saying things like, "I love you. I'm not in love with you any more." If this is the case, then that person never loved the other person to begin with. They were in love with their own emotions.

the road less traveled

I wish I could say I took the road less traveled. I wish I could say I was a die hard romantic and was brave enough to take a leap of faith. I wish I could say I took a chance, I learned a lot about myself, and even if I got hurt, I had no regrets. But I can't say that. Maybe one day, but not today.

the little green monster

Sometimes I wonder. You know those wrenching feelings we get in our gut. Are we supposed to trust that feeling? Or is that feeling a completely irrational manifestation that we should throw aside? Is our subconscious trying to tell us something, warn us? Or is it just our insecurities eating away at us? Basically, is it you, or is it me. Only time will tell.


"Truth and time tell all."
Oh Justin Bobby, so wise.

sing me something soft

Do actions really speak louder than words? I still want your words. Is that too much to ask?

there is a light that never goes out

When all the signs point to "no," why do I still long for the "yes"?

how to love

I struggle so much between accepting myself for who I am and longing to become the ideal version of myself. Sometimes I wonder if I shape the ideal version of myself with the ideal version of what you want. And maybe what you want, is who I want to be. Or maybe it is what I always wanted from myself. The line is so blurry. I wish you could prove everyone wrong. I'll root for you every time, but I seem to be losing. It gets tiring losing. People start to look down on you, view you as a helpless case. And you start to get down on yourself, and your self worth slowly starts to sink. You see, when you frame your self worth against how someone else views you, you are bound to be stepping in dangerous territory. A ticking time bomb.