city lights

I find these images to be absolutely stunning. Its amazing how photography can transport you to a world of complete fantasy. My favorite ones are the first and the last one mainly because they're far from "what you see is what you get." You have to take a double take to really swallow the image and still you are left wonderstruck.

i can only imagine

street art

I recently stumbled upon the art of Tim Irving and am simply in love. His work perfectly epitomizes art photography. I love how he can take real images and present them in a unique and playful point of view. I also love the vintage feel and his use of color. I'm even in love with the framing! Inspiring Mr. Irving.

forgive and forget

The ability to forgive is not to be taken lightly. To let go and not hold grudges is truly an admirable quality that allows one's life to be lighter. This doesn't seem to be a problem for me, I am quick to forgive those who have hurt me, and I don't think I have ever really held a grudge. However, the problem with this is that I also forget. To forgive someone is one thing, but to forgive because you forget?..that just leads to a cycle of being stepped on and hurt over and over. To so easily let go of all the times someone has treated you less than you deserve to be treated. To so easily forget all the times someone has made you feel even a fragment of unworthiness. It comes to a point where you can no longer blame the person who is hurting yo and you must blame yourself for subjecting yourself to a situation that can only result in pain.

I think my tendency to forgive and forget stems from my oversensitivity. I tell myself, maybe I was judging them too harshly. Maybe they didn't really mean to hurt me. I convince myself that the hurt I felt was a manifestation of my own doing. This puts the blame on me and leaves the other party clear of fault. So I find myself in the middle of the same situation, wondering why I have let it happen again. I wonder how much longer I can let it happen until I can't take it anymore. I honestly can't believe I've made it this far.

I guess emotion wins over rationality again. Until emotion admits defeat.

john

"I can see how I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and...I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments."

"I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really..."

"Delivers?"

"Delivers. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter. But I don't ever seem to get tired of you."

dashboard

Browsing my past entries I depress myself. I wonder if I just feel the urgency to write only when I feel down, or if I am just a depressing person overall. If so, was I always this way? I would hate for that to be true, I want to spread joy and lift others up, not bring them down. Still, its hard to get to that place where you can lift others when you can't yet lift yourself up. My mind has just been a mess of thoughts and feelings, worries and aspirations, and fear. I try to focus on the future, but I have found I am much more focused on the now. There is such a disconnect between the person I want to be and the person I am. I have this picture in my mind of the girl, the woman I aspire to be. Someone who is self-assured and strong-willed. Someone who's smile and warmth lights up the room. Someone who loves fiercely and can put her loved ones before her own selfish needs. Someone with strength and determination. Someone who knows what they want of life. Someone who is able to let go of things that are not healthy for her. Either I must strive to become this elusive being, or come to terms with who I am, and accept myself as I am, love myself. Or maybe it requires a little bit of both. Thats always the answer isn't it.

slow dancing in a burning room

Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation..so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type..I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no-I want magenta!"