2010

New years resolutions are tacky. Still, I have a few.
- To be more emotionally stable
- To be more assertive
- To be more positive
- To swallow my pride
- To be more patient with the ones I care about
- To be less selfish and materialistic
- To realize the world does not revolve around me

the perks

"He's my whole world"
"Don't ever say that about anyone again. Not even me."

It's one thing to be willing to die for someone. But you should never live for someone. Live for yourself.

peppermint

One day i was sitting outside Starbucks. Everything was absolutely perfect. I was in good company. I was happy. I was gushing. I thought I was content.

I guess I was wrong. I had to be wrong. Because since then everything's changed. Why is it that when one thing goes wrong, everything else in your life goes wrong too. It's just like this downward spiral. How can so much change in a week? Not even a week.

This is one tough journey.

and a happy new year

2 weeks of nothingness ahead.

What a year. What a year. Everything was so different a year ago around this time. Life is so unpredictable.

something

I'm terrible. I'm so terrible. The right thing is always hard to do. But what's harder is knowing what the right thing is. I'm sorry.

But i'd rather be alone. It's for the best.

all my loving

I wonder if we choose our own paths, or if they're already chosen for us. Maybe we're just fooling ourselves when we say we create our own destinies. And then what about the little things? The little choices we make. Those little choices that lead to those wonderful moments. Could that moment have happened any other way? A fruitless question really. It happened, and all we can do is be thankful it did.

done!

My heart beat feels slower. I like it.

answers

So I am decidedly a realist.

Is that something you can decide upon?

ice

Is it insecurity that causes us to crave the need to be needed?

Long for the acknowledgment that we are missed?

The indication that we might actually mean something in someone else's twisted life?

Or maybe its merely the result of being human.

My cappuccino is cold.

innocence

You go beyond pushing boundaries,

You downright break them

And ignore them.

I wish I could be strong enough

To tell you to stop,

Put you in your place.

The problem is

I can't place you.

The problem is

I love how you love me.

The problem is

I never want you to stop.

Let's cut up the boundaries together

And then drown in the pool of red.

note to self

Why is it that it's always so much easier to remember the good memories. The times they made us feel beautiful, wanted, loved. Why is it so much harder to remember the times they made us feel pathetic, alone, unworthy. Yes, they might be a good person. But anyone who makes us feel pathetic, alone, or unworthy, is not good for you. No one deserves to be made to feel as though they are any of those qualities. Every time when I'm about to run back into the arms of that false comfort, I'll remember this.

colors

Karma.

Now, I won't say I believe in actual karma, I'm not even sure actually what religion it's derived from. But lately I've taken karma (in the sense that good things happen to good people) more seriously. People who do things that hurt other people, well, thats gonna come and bite them in the butt. I'm witnessing it all around me.

People who try to live their lives as honestly as possible, those are the people that will have satisfying lives. Now all there's left to do is try my best to belong to this category as opposed to the former.

Cause in all honesty, karma's a bitch.

lights

Right now I feel kind of dizzy. I feel honest. I feel a calmness, a serenity.

Can I handle it? Do I want to handle it? Am I in the position to handle it? Is it even my choice?

Come what may.