Just a minute or so until the waves come crashing down
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
words
But other times, quotes so beautifully capture everything you feel, everything you want to say, and there's a beauty that lies in knowing that you are not the only person with those thoughts. You are not alone.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
the world at large
I have this fantastic image in my head of who I want to be. The characteristics I've come to admire over the last year are creativity, boldness, and the ability to think for oneself. In trying to embody these characteristics, I've actually failed to exhibit the characteristics that are most important. Like compassion and humbleness. All my life people have labeled me as "nice" and "sweet", so I would take those qualities for granted. Because of this, I think I've slowly begun to lose those characteristics that once defined me.
I have become selfish.
Selfish people hurt the ones that care about them.
I don't want to hurt them anymore.
Why is it that I always treat the ones who care about me the most, the worst? I'm so messed up.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
mirror images
float on
Darling, I can't hear you. It is your voice I want to hear.
All I really want to do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And i will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
And she continued to use the voice of others.
paint her
You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect-- you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together, but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break-- her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze, and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.
drip
I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
country
I drink coffee like water and
I still never know what to say.
I still don't know how to get out of bed
half the time. It's not pretty,
or endearing. I whisper you secrets,
I am looking to be saved,
sometimes I am so weak,
sometimes I am so strong,
here you go, I'll give you everything
for one more chance.
My heart is ugly,
but it could be all yours.
I still never know what to say.
I still don't know how to get out of bed
half the time. It's not pretty,
or endearing. I whisper you secrets,
I am looking to be saved,
sometimes I am so weak,
sometimes I am so strong,
here you go, I'll give you everything
for one more chance.
My heart is ugly,
but it could be all yours.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
cotton
Look, other bands, they want to make it about sex or pain, but you know, the Beatles, they had it all figured out, okay? "I Want to Hold Your Hand". The first single. It's effing brilliant right? That's what everybody wants, Nicky. They don't want a twenty-four hour hump sesh, they don't want to be married to you for a hundred years. They just want to hold your hand.
lollipop
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Friday, September 11, 2009
bright
Its 1 a.m. and i'm in my car, alone, in a drive-thru. Through my sideview mirror I catch a glimpse of the person in the car behind me. He's wearing a black shirt. He has black hair and is very thin and pale. He's also alone. At that moment, for no unprecedented reason, I want to know what he is thinking more than anything in the world. I want to know his dreams, his worries, his passions. I want to know where he is going, where he is coming from. I want to know if he's going home to a wife and a little baby girl, or going to some raging party. I continue to stare at him, now from my rearview mirror. I wonder if he sees me staring. When he looks in my direction, I wonder if he's looking at me, or past me. It's impossible to tell.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
red
C: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
D: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
C: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.
D: I remember that.
C: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at me. You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.
D: I knew. I heard them.
C: How come you looked so happy?
D: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
C: But she thought you were pathetic.
D: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
green eyes
I've never particularly had an opinion about Maggie Gyllenhaal, but lately there's been something about her that draws me in. She isn't strikingly beautiful or anything, but there's a certain energy about her spirit that is really attractive. I also really like the way she talks. Not just her voice, but her body posture and hand movements. You can't look away.
broke
I was not supposed to go shopping until the end of the year, which quickly moved to my birthday, which quickly moved to today. Oops.
But it was only two shirts, and one of the shirts I bought with a giftcard. So technically, it doesn't even really count.
Right?
Oh shopping. You continue to bring me fleeting happiness.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
forever
Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this every morning, but still you choose to believe that the night will last forever, nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad. So you might as well smile while you're here.
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